PLEASE::::If you have any 2nd guesses about the words you are about to say and how they may sound, just shut your mouth before you have the chance to speak.
Things like this fall into that category of "do not say to a grieving parent, particularly a grieving mother":
1.(And this is #1 because it pisses me off the most) You will be a good mother someday.
Uhm hello, I AM a Mom and Rob is a Dad! Xander will always be our son so why am I suddenly not a Mom? And by the way, I do expect to celebrate Mother's Day even though it will be hard considering Xander was due in May. I posted that this bothers me on the support board I am on and another Mom posted this and it really puts things in perspective.
"No one would ever try to tell a woman who's only grown child was killed in an accident that she isn't a mother! It's an insult to our children, as much as it's an insult to us."2. It will happen when you are ready. I was ready and I still am ready. So why did it not happen?
3. Maybe something was wrong with him. Tell me how a baby survives for almost 22 weeks inside of my belly with an umbilical cord that never attached to the placenta, but attached to the membranes. He was ever affected until it was too late and took his life. The placenta sucked, the cord placement sucked but my son was perfect.
4. Maybe God took him to save him from further pain in his life. I am religious. But who knows why this happened? And it doesn't make things any better knowing that you think my son would have lived a tragic life. Thanks.
5. Just when people try to answer my questions. If I ask questions out loud about what happened to Xander please understand that they are purely rhetorical. I know I can never make sense of what happened and honestly do you really think you have the answers? I know most ideas start with maybe but have you ever stopped to think maybe you should just listen to me and give me a shoulder to cry on and an ear to listen to me talk about my son?
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