My Friends

One gift that Xander gave me, was finding new friends.

My friends live all over the country and some even in Canada. How do I know these women?

Losing Xander, I turned to a site that I had been visiting while on bed rest. They also have grief support groups. Trust me, I was never one for finding online friends or considering someone I've only "typed" to a friend but these women know me better than friends I've had for years and years. We all have one thing in common....we've had a baby(or babies) die. We all feel the pain and pure heart ache daily. We've all endured the rude and insensitive comments, the crying over Pampers commercials and the (maybe irrational, but normal) bitterness towards women who have never suffered a loss and get to live in ignorance. We discuss memories and what could have been and our futures. Our futures of having another chance, another try with the little hope we hang on too. We lift each other up and we virtually send hugs. We understand each other. We are real. We don't say "it will get better" or "get over it". We say, "I understand" "I wish the pain would go away" or just a simple "I'm sorry". We don't dwell in our grief though. We don't sit around and feel sorry for ourselves...at least not all the time.

We laugh, we tell stories and dream of a day when we can all sit on a beach and have drinks together. And maybe one day we can all have a play date with our future babies. Our rainbows. We recommend movies and books and encourage each other in positive ways. We send flowers and teddy bears when a Mom is in need of something tangible, not just a "I'm sorry". We also talk about things that may not be deemed lady like. Haha. We check in on each other and talk to each other daily. We offer support in every day decisions.

Without these women I don't know where I'd be. Probably locked in my room in Colorado. (Oh btw, I moved to Memphis.) I'd probably gone almost a year without showering. Okay, maybe not that long but you get it. I would not have been able to take baby steps in healing. I wouldn't have had the courage to go to a real support group.

Basically, I wouldn't be where I am today without them. I'm just pissed we all live so far away from each other lol. Seriously though....I consider them my best friends.

Thank God for our babies for bringing us together.