The day I discovered I was pregnant with Xander, I signed up for everything baby. Pampers, Luvs, Huggies, Enfamil, Similac, Your Pregnancy Week by Week, The Bump, etc. So needless to say I get e-mails with subjects like "Your growing baby at __ weeks". Ugh. It's such a slap in the face but I just don't want to take the time to cancel my subscription or whatever it is. But I never expected I'd get mail in my actual mailbox not just my inbox.
I went to check my mail and pulled out a flyer for pregnancy pictures. I don't even know how they got my address. All I know is it had a big picture of a big naked belly. A belly with a baby. Like what mine should look like. Every day I look in the mirror for signs of pregnancy. For signs of Xander. But all I have are the memories. The stretch marks and flabby skin. I should be having my baby shower this weekend. Instead, tomorrow Rob and I are going to the first hospital support group. It sucks. I want my Xander back. I want my big baby filled belly back.
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